- Charity shops
- Salvation army is a hidden gem on the streets of Newcastle; where else can you find a decorative taxidermied squirrel for your mantelpiece and ex-Laura Ashley florals in sizes for the morbidly obese? Not only is there an aesthetically pleasing and equally as charming curly haired boy volunteering there, the shop has limitless amounts of unwanted, soiled 90s attire perfectly suited for the modern art student who enjoys that "I'm actually really rich but I like to dress like a common person and zone out to awesome dubstep in a club that resembles the communal toilets of a homeless people hostel" look or the appearance of a plaid-shirted boy who looks like he belongs to a Pitchfork-friendly band entitled "The magical rainbow foxes" or "The Hearty fields of golden deers". On the plus side you are giving to a charity
- Only hang out with friends who are equally as skint as yourself
- "Oh, what's that 'anonymous rich friend #1? You want to take a trip to Waitrose and buy a Lindt triple chocolate layer birthday cake!? But my dear friend, it's not even your birthday! And you want to get a taxi there?! But it's literally right around the corner!...And what's that? You want to catch a train tonight to London tonight and spend your daddy's money on expensive drugs?" when encountering people like this suggest tip number 6 to them, hopefully soon enough, with a bit of luck, you'll find they either won't want to be your friend anymore or decide they feel so incredibly sorry for you and set up a charity for you out of pity.
- Get a part time job and try not to quit
- If your anything like me you will have a strong distaste towards Jeremy Kyle and you have a secret passion for home interiors, and, if your also anything like me, in your lifetime you will have wound up in mediocre minimum wage jobs which have consequentially sucked away a piece of your soul, destroyed a part of your imagination and slowly but surely eradicated your will to live. At least get a job you enjoy to fund your student lifestyle/credit card debt/Hardcore crack addiction.. on failing that try the next tip.
- Sell your pointless possessions on Ebay
- I own approximately 22 pairs of shoes. One Day a thought occured to me, you only need two pairs of shoes, three at the most. You don't need 3 pairs of converse in different colours. I'm sure there is some scenester loving vintage sucker out there who thinks it's cool to spend £25 on your smelly second hand worn out trainers.
- Make a painting and sell it
- One summer afternoon when I was a nine year old innocent in between Spice girl cover band rehearsals, my friend Kayleigh and I had a street stall in Palm Grove just outside her house. I sold a painting of a lion wearing a sunhat sitting in a tree for 50p which I used to buy an ice lolly and a bottle of panda pop from the corner shop. The person who bought it was a nice man from down the road who owned six identical Scottish Terriers. I like to envisage that man being slightly deluded enough to have the painting of the lion in a gold frame sitting above his fireplace waiting for the day that 9 year old rapscallion becomes established enough for him to auction off the painting so that him along with his six scottish terriers can afford a Disney cruise around the Atlantic.
- DIY haircuts
- Get a sober, sensible friend whom you trust with scissors to attempt this
- Stop going out, stay in and start a band
- If condemning myself to occasional viewing of X factor has taught me anything it's that you don't need to have any musical knowledge or talent whatsoever for this. you simply need imagination, conviction and numerous kitchen utensils, pots, pans etc. and various other household objects to make noise with then simply cover eagle eyed cherry's greatest hits.
store your money in a safe place a la tracy emin
Laura
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