My first crush that I recall was a boy named Shawn, I won't say his second name because I have extreme paranoia and, even though there is no chance in hell if such a place existed he would happen to stumble across these words out of the millions of Internet blogs, after not seeing me for over a decade and probably not remembering what I look like or even who I am, Lauranoia still creeps in. Anyway, he was my first crush apart from the odd non-human crush such as Raphael, the red teenage mutant ninja turtle...or 'hero' turtle if you want to be politically correct. But enough of my reptile fetish, he was arguably 95% a human and he sat with me on table four when we were in year 3. I think I only liked him because he had blonde curtains, and there was something about a blonde curtain haired boy back in the 1990s. Our 'relationship' involved hitting each other, kicking each other, stabbing each other, pushing, shoving, name calling etc. The worst incident
came when we were painting Easter Eggs and being what I suppose I thought was 'flirty',I decided it would be funny to lift the table up to a slant and watch his egg which he'd work so hard on,slowly roll to the floor and smash into tiny pieces to which in his anger, he literally stabbed me with a sharpened pencil in the arm, the lead broke off inside my skin. Fuck that hurt and yet I was still besotted.(surely early warning signs of future relationship fucked up-edness). I'm quite sure we both fancied each other but because we were so young and didn't know how to deal with these confusing feelings, our immature instincts told us to beat each other up.
My next crush was a boy called Adam, this was around the year 5/6 era but for this entire time he was going out with a girl in our class who was one of the 'popular' ones. This group of girls used to pick on me because I wore a vest instead of a bra, I now think the idea of this is absurd to make fun of a non bra wearing 8 year old and am now very happy that I have such a flat chest. Anyway, I saw Adam during a late night car trip to 24 hour tescos with my girlfriends about a year ago when I ran into him looking for Ben & Jerry's ice cream at like 11 at night in the middle of winter, just as we were, but was too scared to talk to him. I was quietly devastated at the time when I found out he wasn't going to the same secondary school as me but at the same time I was buzzing because he spilt up with his girlfriend. I liked him so much and the other great thing was we were good friends, he was so lovely and wonderful but his girlfriend was a shallow,bullying dork who he didn't even like that much.
Throughout secondary school I had lots of on-off crushes. In fact I fancied loads of people but no one special stands out when i think back...my next big crush was probably my 'teenage sweetheart' haa. I fancied him in school for quite a while and I was like a lovesick puppy, a lot of written diary entries from year 10-11 my life pretty much revolved around him. They'd always start with "so today I talked to him...today I walked to a lesson with him...yadda yadda etc etc." It was kind of pathetic but also there is something very innocent and charming about my 15 year old self when I read them back.
He was so dam funny and mega-super cool, which is probably why I liked him. Then in first year of sixth form college we finally got together thanks to the help of my friend Claire, it took us a few months because he "didn't want a girlfriend" which is code for "I'm just not that into you". This is truly a love story of psychological tactic cliches.
As soon as he found out I was semi-interested in another boy at college who resembled the guy from hey Arnold who used to go up behind Helga and drool over her, he came-a-running back, completely unexpected and delighted on my behalf.
But yep it finally happened and we were in love and it was brilliant. From what I can see now when I occasionally run into him he is a full-time fast food employee waster/stoner with an obese girlfriend ...lifes funny like that... Then there is recent conquests and defeats of love but it is too early to be romanticizing recent histories.So I'll leave it here.miow.
And so here we are in the present day and a montage of my past loves
hubba
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